I am one of those people who is a train engine once I set my mind on something. Full speed ahead in the direction of my choice and nothing and no one is going to get in my way. Not him, not that girl over there, not even puppies… okay I’m a sucker for puppies. Puppies would probably get in my way.
Anyway, when I am aboard the full speed ahead train, I tend to not to listen to advice or heed to the warnings laid out before me. I’m on a one-way path to my destination and I am not braking for other passengers. It’s a fault, I know. Sometimes I just can not help myself. So, when my husband and I decided to have a baby, I did not hesitate to pick up my ticket to pregnant town. Full speed ahead!
If this is you, and you are currently on that crazy train to baby making station, stop that shit! Stop it right now! Yes, I am being a complete and utter hypocrite, but if you are going to listen to anyone, listen to the one who’s been on this train. Get off! Get the fuck off, right now! Jump, tuck and roll, and go sit with some daisies for a god damn forsaken second and listen for once.
I desperately wish I had someone shake me out of my stubborn coma. I wish someone had grabbed my attention before it was too late and had told me to chill the fuck out!
No, this does not mean I regret the decision to have my beautifully sculpted and delicate little human being. I do not regret it what so ever. She is the biggest blessing that has ever happened to me and I do not regret her for one single second. I regret that damn train ride.
I regret the obsession that took up the last moments of me time I will never get back. The time before my body was anyone else’s but mine. Before the scars and the dip into the mess pool of pregnancy and chaos. I allowed my obsession to fester into pure and utter frustration every time I received a negative pregnancy test. The frustration evolved into stress that stole the whole experience away from me and I am here to warn you with these five things I wish I had known before getting pregnant.
Not All Pregnancies Are Glowing And Little Cake Balls
I was 7 weeks pregnant when I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. It was literally all down hill from there. My pregnancy was difficult. I’m still not quite sure how I got up every day. Honestly, some days I didn’t. Some days I stayed in bed clutching on to a puke bucket. Some nights I spent in the hospital, being pumped full of Zofran and Saline. Some days I barely made it to work only to head home immediately after vomiting my own stomach acid.
Pregnancies can be difficult, and they can be complicated. They can be tough, isolating, and frustrating. You could suffer beyond the sore feet, backache and having to pee every five minutes. It could be a beautiful experience or a never-ending nightmare and you won’t know which direction it’s going to go until you become pregnant.
It Could Take Forever
My husband and I pretty much jumped into baby making as soon as we returned from our honeymoon. It took us almost nine months to conceive our little blue-eyed miniature. Waiting for a positive pregnancy test was heartbreaking and so very draining. I was expecting that immediate plunge into parenthood, yet remained childless, month after month, and it was tearing me a part. I desperately wanted to be a mom. The possibility of infertility crept into my head and it added to the stress of the whole process. Instead of understanding that the path was a journey that I should have been embracing, I was drowning in negative pregnancy tests and it was dragging me deep down.
Stress can contribute to lack of pregnancy because it can throw your ovulation off track. Most physicians state that you should not worry about infertility until you have been trying for well over a year. Just because you are not getting pregnant right away does not mean you are doomed to never have a baby of your own. Worrying about potential IVF treatments before it’s necessary will only cause more stress. Address your concerns with your OBGYN and trust that things will work out, for now.
Don’t Obsess Over It
By month four I was knee deep in Ovulation Tracking Apps, Pregnancy tests, Basal Thermometers, Calendars, Ovulation Tests, and “How to Get Pregnant Fast” articles. Sex was penciled into my schedule and baby making time was no longer fun. I laid in bed after the baby deed was done while my husband got up and proceeded with his day, moving on with his life while I stayed stuck in mine. It turned into a job. I was obsessively tracking, pinpointing temperature spikes and drops, and researching all the best baby making methods. My life, in that moment, revolved around the possibility of two little pink lines and nothing else seemed to matter. I lost time and I lost my mind.
If your doctor isn’t concerned about your fertility, then you shouldn’t be either. As a mom, I will tell you this: you won’t get much me time after baby arrives. You won’t poop alone, you won’t shower alone, and wandering time in Target becomes a vacation. Trust me when I say, soak this time up, because you won’t get it back for a very long time. Don’t waste it counting lines.
Which leads me to my next point:
Spend Some Quality Time With Yourself
Instead of getting wrapped up in the frustration of it, trust that things would work out the way they are meant to. I lost time with myself. Time getting to know who I was before becoming a mom. I lost the time I could have spent on all the things I couldn’t do after becoming pregnant, like sleeping, enjoying care free time with my friends and family, relishing in being able to carry a small bag or just my wallet, going on hikes and maybe even traveling a little bit. I wish I had known to spend some time knocking a few more things off my bucket list instead of wasting time crying on the bathroom floor with another no sitting in the garbage can. Instead of saying goodbye to childless me, I let the unknown of my future consume me.
Don’t be like me. Get to know yourself through out this journey. Take care of your body and love it a little more before it turns into a dwelling space. Spend time with friends, go to places you haven’t visited yet, sit alone in a coffee shop and read your favorite book. Just do things for yourself and enjoy the ride.
Know Your Support System
If I had known my pregnancy was going to be difficult, I would have thought a little harder about setting up a proper care system with my health provider and family. Instead of assuming my pregnancy would be smooth enough to not need a plan, while being alone in a strange state, I should have thought ahead about what I was going to do in case of an emergency while my husband traveled. Driving yourself to the hospital when you are pregnant and vomiting profusely is not as easy as it sounds. Sitting alone while you’re being pumped full of fluids is scary because there’s no one around to distract you.
If you are trying to get pregnant, schedule a preconception visit and discuss your pregnancy plan with your doctor. Talk with your friends and family about support. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Knowing that you have backup when things don’t go as planned can be extremely helpful.
Being pregnant without complications is hard. I’m not going to sugar coat it. You’re feet swell up and hurt, you always feel like you had one too many sub sandwiches, you basically carry a bowling ball around all day and night, you can never get comfortable, and tying your own shoes becomes a work out.
Becoming a parent is a huge responsibility. You can’t change your mind and reverse the clock. Your life completely changes and you don’t sleep. It’s beautiful and chaotic all at the same time. You are responsible for keeping a tiny human alive and it’s fucking scary. You’ll have your whole parent life to stress out, take this time to catch up on sleep.
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