To My Baby On Your First Birthday,
I have written a thousand letters to you in my head, all before you were born. Letters about how bad I wanted you, who I had hoped you would be, how much I had already loved you, and how desperately I wanted to meet you. None of those letters made it to paper because I could not get my fingers to type what my mind, and heart, were thinking. Even now, as my fingers move across the keyboard, I cannot completely explain how truly amazing you are, at just one year old. You have far exceeded all my expectations of you. I will never be able to explain to you, just how beautiful, magnificent, amazing, and gifted you are. I cannot conjure the appropriate vocabulary to fully describe the type of wonderful, little person, you already are.
Before you had arrived, I already knew you. I had already felt you growing inside of me and had already felt so connected to you. Before they told me that you would be my little girl, I had already known. It’s a feeling only a mother could truly understand. Although, tangibly, I had no idea what to expect, internally, in my soul, I already knew that I loved you so very much.
Time has flown by so fast. From the moment I held you in my arms for the very first time, to now. A part of my heart aches for the time that has already passed. Could you just stay little for a bit longer? Could you slow down and just be my baby for a few more days. I feel you grow bigger each time I hold you in my arms and my heart breaks as I pray for time to stop. Just for a few more minutes.
At the same time, however, I am excited to see how much you have grown and how much of your unique personality already shines through. My heart melts as your hair continues to get longer, your intelligence expands, and your independence spirals. You skim along the couch and I think about how much fun we’re going to have at the playground this year, outside walks with puppy, and cuddles we’ll get to have on the couch as we watch your favorite movies. I anticipate your future likes, your soon to be loves, and all the adventures we will have together in the next year. I can not wait to share all of that with you.
I am so thankful that I have been fully present, to watch you grow. Being with you, every single day, has been the greatest experience of my life. Yes, this year has flown by, but at least I was able to sit in that racecar with you for every single mile. For that, I am truly blessed.
No, every single moment has not been glamorous, and at times I felt as if I had failed you. I pray that you understand that regardless of those days, I really tried. I tried to be the best mom for you, each and every day. I tried to smile at you every morning, embrace and play with you every day, and kiss you good night at every bedtime. I did my best to encourage you to do it yourself but couldn’t help but come to your rescue maybe a little too much. I fought to meet your tears with a calm and steady heart, but somedays I found myself crying too.
I may not have it all together just yet, but I promise you that I will be present every single day! As you gain your independence, I’ll try to be better about giving you the space that you need. Just know, when you turn to look for me, I will always be right there.
As you creep into your second year of life, I cry over the wonderful memories we made. I anticipate the little girl you will continue to grow into, and everything we will learn together. I pray that I can be the strong mother you need me to be. I’ll absorb every laugh, wipe away every tear, and cherish every hug.
Happy Birthday, to the greatest little gift life has given me. You truly are magnificent and amazing in every single way. Like you, my love for you continues to grow. Now that I have been blessed with your presence, I could not imagine a world without you in it. I have waited my whole life for you, and I cannot wait to see where this road continues to take us.
I love you with every single drop of my soul.
Love always and forever,
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