Every year, my mother sends me pictures of items she finds, that my husband might like. With these pictures, I give her a yay or nay. So, I was not surprised when my mom reached out to me this year about a shirt she wanted to purchase for my husband. Then came, “is there something you need.” It’s another one she asks and I have to admit, I saw it coming. In the past I had usually responded with something along the lines of, “boots, a new jacket, running gear,” Something simple and easy that my mom usually nails. This year, I couldn’t think of anything. I have been so overcome with the excitement about celebrating Christmas with my daughter for the first time. I had not thought of anything that I might have wanted.
The truth is, she truly is my greatest gift, and I have changed a lot since I became a mother. I have never been one for expensive things. I don’t dote over designer handbags and shoes. My dresser top was never lined with all the latest scents and I have no idea how to do my makeup. Don’t get me wrong, I like all things girly. I love to dress up, I try to attempt a natural contour and I do have a lot of shoes. I love cute things and I am obsessed with matching running outfits. I wasn’t typical, but I was still very much into things.
All of that changed when my baby was born. In the last nine months, I have purchased less clothing than my husband has, and I haven’t bought any shoes since before I was pregnant. My wardrobe consists of anything that fits; mostly leggings, t-shirts, and sweaters. I still wear my maternity jeans, and the closest I get to dressing up is when I go to church on Sundays. It’s literally the only time I wear make up. As a matter of fact, I finally stopped using baby wash and invested in a good bottle of body wash. I went from spending $100 a month on skin care, to just $20.
Yes, most parents know that it’s tough to find time for ourselves. Getting all dressed up takes time and effort we no longer have. When you have children, most frivolous spending usually goes right out the window. Time and money is spent on taking care of everyone else, and less on ourselves.
Since having my baby, my priorities have shifted. Yes, it’s the more responsible thing to do, but it is also because everything else becomes less important. Yes, my personal hygiene and health is still very important, but having a purse that matches every outfit, or day versus night cream, is not.
My daughter has already accumulated more clothes than I have, she has toys that match her latest development milestone and she definitely eats better than I do. I have way more fun picking out her outfits than I do picking out mine.
The amount of love and adoration that I have for this little creature, takes up so much of heart and soul, that there is no room for insignificant things. Her daily needs consume so much of my thoughts. I don’t think much about my own wants.
It is amazing how selfless a person can become once they are a parent. It is like the level of our maturity is cranked up at the sound of little cries. Taking care of, and loving, the life you created, is the only thing that truly matters. They can vomit all over the couch, pee all over the rug, destroy a Christmas tree ornament, and demolish a home that was just cleaned; it all doesn’t matter.
The greatest gift I have ever received was my little girl. When I was ready to become a mom, I wanted her so much, and there she was. Alive, healthy, and beautiful, all wrapped up in her tiny little blanket. I watch her grow and my heart fills up with so much joy. Just when I think I could not love her more, she is another day older, and I fall in love with her so much harder than I did the day before. She falls asleep in my arms and I thank God for the opportunity he gave me to be her mother.
Yes, there are days when I struggle, and I worry that I may not be a good mother, but there are also many days that I am so very thankful. I embrace the Mess, and I love my child with every single beat of my heart. As this Christmas rolls around, I won’t wonder what was left for me under the tree. I already have everything that I could ever need and want. A little girl, with a heart already so full of wild, a mostly gummy smile that warms my heart, and a laugh that touches my soul. Her blue eyes are filled with curiosity and wonder, and she has the cutest set of tiny, little feet.
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